3 Little Words That Will Transform Your Work Relationships

3 Little Words That Will Transform Yur Work Relationships3 Little Words That Will Transform Your Work RelationshipsA few years ago, I worked with a woman named Angela, who managed a program that was interdependent with the one I was involved with. Though we didnt have a reporting relationship, our mutual success was clearly dependent on our ability to collaborate.It was one of the fruchtwein difficult working relationships Ive ever experienced- and an extremely stressful one. As I reflect back on that time, I realize there was one major ingredient missing from our collaboration. The problem was we never whispered those three little words that everyone wants to hear from their closest co-workersI trust you.The lack of trust was frustrating to my team and me, and it made everything we did so much more difficult Conversations took longer, coming to an agreement was excruciating (if not impossible), and negotiating everything, from resources to outcomes, was exasperating.Maybe youre in a similar situation. Perhaps you know the relationship isnt quite right, but youre not sure why its so hard to get along. Every meeting seems to erupt in frustration you sense theres a hidden agenda alongside the one on the table in front of you. In The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R. Covey suggests that trust is essential for a team to function effectively. When trust is high, performance accelerates. Covey describes it as a leavening agent for performance. And when trust is lacking, the opposite is true. As I found with Angela (and likely, she with me), because we didnt trust each other, everything took longer, felt harder, and, as a result, cost more- emotionally and financially. You might think, as I did long ago, that its the other persons responsibility to trust you. But its not. Its your responsibility to invite others to trust in you- and you do this by behaving in way that exemplifies your trustworthiness. In research at Ohio State University, Roy Lewicki and Edward C. Tomlinso n offer a few practical steps to overcome the conflict created by lack of trust. Read on for their suggestions about how to increase others trust in you and rectify your working relationships. Do Your Job WellCovey says trust is a function of two things character and competence. Angela and I were certainly competent when it came to doing our respective parts well. However, a big part of our assignment required us to work interdependently, and neither of us was getting that right. People trust others who get stuff done, so when you dont do your job well- even just a portion of it- its harder for people to trust you. Be CongruentThis is where the character comes in. When your words are aligned with your actions, people will trust you. Angela and I were both saying, Yes we want to move forward. But in all honesty, we both feared that the other was trying to muck in our program, so we werent doing everything we could to actually move the project forward. That disconnect between our word s and our actions caused both of us to seem untrustworthy. Honor CommitmentsTrust is built on a consistent pattern of each of us doing what we say we will do. People watch for this and make assessments about your trustworthiness based on it. (The researchers call this Do What We Say We Will Do, or DWWSWWD.) You promised youd have the report ready by the end of the day, then turn up empty handed? Thats a strike against your credibility.Communicate TransparentlyRemember that hidden agenda perception I mentioned earlier? Yep- total trust killer. When you arent transparent about your intentions (e.g., what youre trying to achieve, what youre concerned about, or what you really want to accomplish in a project meeting), you negate the others ability to trust you. Be Compassionate Toward OthersTrust grows when you show care and concern for others. For example, I never once asked Angela what kept her up at night. We never discussed the business risk or personal vulnerability we felt as we t ried to manage these two huge programs. I see now that a simple conversation like that could have been an incredible bridge builder. When you have to work interdependently- and in this day and age, who doesnt?- the degree of trust you have with others can make or break your efforts. If youre looking for ways to up your performance quotient, reduce your stress level, and get more satisfaction out of your work, look for opportunities to build more trust with those around you. Photo of letters courtesy of Shutterstock.